Lilia’s Blog

 

 Standard Podcast: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

• Write letters to loved ones telling them how much they mean to you, before it’s too late: Avoid the regret many feel in losing a loved one by writing Loving Letters^SM to loved ones who have had a significant positive impact in your life. This single act will ensure you the peace of mind that loved ones knew how much they were loved.  
• Spend time journaling: Many people who keep journals can attest to the therapeutic effects of keeping a journal. In writing on a regular basis, you can self-assess, relieve stress, heal emotional wounds, work through problems and plan for the fabulous future.
• Live as if you were dying: Thinking about mortality (our own and that of those we love) helps us to clearly focus on the things that are most important to us and helps us to keep our priorities in order.
• Reduce stress at home:
  • Leave work-related troubles at the office and don’t let them spill over into your personal life.
  • Schedule “dates” with family and friends. Once the dates are in the calendar, these appointments are more likely to be kept.
  • Make time for yourself: Whether it’s an hour or a day, taking time to do what you like best will help to keep your spirits up through the week.
• Practice gratitude: Being grateful and expressing gratitude for all we have in our lives puts us in a positive state of mind and in a position to receive more of what we want in life. Take a few minutes every day to acknowledge all that is good in your life – your life, your health, the people and things you treasure most.
• Practice forgiveness: Being resentful and holding grudges for past hurts and perceived wrongs can be burdensome. Relieving those negative emotions by forgiving yourself and others is like opening the door to a jail cell and one of the greatest gifts you can ever give.
• Be of service to others: Helping others – friends and strangers alike - in even the slightest way will give you a tremendous sense of satisfaction like no other. At every possible opportunity, give of your time and/or money.
• Find your happiness: If you are waiting for happiness to somehow magically appear in your life, you have a long wait ahead of you. If you are relying on someone else to make you happy, you have misplaced your trust. The only person who can make you happy is you.  And if you truly want it, you must relentlessly seek it out.

Tags: Attitude, Beliefs, Death, Dying, Forgiveness, Happiness, Journaling, Life, Stress, Writing, communication, letters // Add Comment »

When my husband brought home a copy of Timothy Ferriss’ The 4 Hour Work Week, I was intrigued by the title and eagerly delved into it, in a quest to discover the secrets to accomplishing such a feat. Heck, I’d be happy with a 34 hour work week.

For me, the book was a page turner, as Ferriss revealed the various aspects of his plan for Definition, Elimination, Automation and Liberation (DEAL.)

What I liked about the book: 

• Ferriss challenges the idea that people have to work 30-40 years before they can retire and enjoy life. The idea is to do and accomplish what you want now.
• Ferriss offers a new vision of how to live life and advocates taking mini-retirements throughout your life, while you are still physically able to enjoy them.
• The book provides ideas and instruction on how to finance this type of lifestyle, using what he refers to as “a muse” business which (through simplification and automation) requires very little management from you.
• The book recommends eliminating things which cause stress and waste time. An example of time wasters are events such as meetings, constantly checking e-mail, and casual work conversations that are not relevant to your work  - all of which result in a disruption of productive work. For time wasting items, Ferriss recommends outsourcing and/or delegating non-essential tasks. He also recommends firing stress causing clients whose accounts produce very little revenue and also encourages the elimination of excessive clutter from work and home.
• Ferriss advocates implementing these strategies to enable us to do more of what matters most.

What I did not like about the book:

• As a 40 something reader, Ferriss’ writing and choice of words struck me at times as the writing and of someone who lacked life experience.
• Some of the methods Ferris utilizes and recommends for implementing the strategies outlined in the book, seemed somewhat dishonest and are things I personally would not be comfortable doing.   

Overall, I admire Ferriss’ willingness to challenge the same old ideas and beliefs about how life should be lived. The book is refreshing in that it offers a new perspective and options on how to live life differently.

Tags: Beliefs, Book Review, Change, Happiness, Self Improvement, Stress // Add Comment »

 

 Word Power Podcast: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Is it pronounced realtor or relahtor? Is it nuclear or nucular? Which is correct - supposedly or supposably? Whether it involves pronouncing a word correctly or using the correct word, what you say and how you say it speaks volumes about you. Regardless (not irregardless) of gender, race, age, educational background or position in the company, misusing, misstating, or mispronouncing words can affect your image and credibility in the eyes of supervisors, co-workers, family, friends and strangers alike. This is especially true with verbal communication, since the possibility that it was simply a typographical error is non-existent.  Job interviews and any type of public speaking, for example, present circumstances where a verbal error is highly likely to occur. In these settings, the communication is primarily verbal and the speaker/prospective employee is trying to impress the audience/prospective employer.  Verbal errors may hurt your chances of getting hired or of being invited back to speak. In both of these circumstances, it is important to be familiar with and know how to pronounce terms related to the specific field.  If you’ve erroneously used any of the terms listed above or any of the millions of terms that could potentially be misused, misstated or mispronounced, don’t feel badly, you’re in good company. It can happen to anyone. In fact, world-renowned experts and top government officials frequently discuss “nucular” weapons on live national television broadcasts. Even some real estate professionals pronounce what they do as selling “relahty.”  A person addressing a judge made the faux pas of pronouncing it “fox paws.” And just as we might have suspected, even supermodels are not immune to making such errors. I read once that a famous actor was openly critical of his then supermodel wife for mispronouncing the word “epitome” (pronounced e-pit-oh-me.) I don’t know if there is any truth to that story, but it is a word which is commonly mispronounced. Commonly used phrases are also susceptible to being mangled, usually due to being misheard.  You should be able to “cut the mustard” not “cut the muster.” If you really like something new it may be “the best thing since sliced bread” and not “best thing since life’s bread.” Then there is the confusion resulting from misheard music lyrics. Did Hendrix sing “kiss the sky” or “kiss this guy?” Was the Creedence Clearwater Revival singing about “a bad moon on the rise” or “a bathroom on the right?” Names may also present a verbal challenge.  How would you pronounce H-e-r-m-i-o-n-e?  Did any of the millions and millions of people who read Harry Potter correctly pronounce (in their heads at least) the name of this character? The correct pronunciation, it seems, is: Her-my-oh-nee (not Her-mee-one as thought by my sister.) Since spelling and pronunciation of names can vary widely, it’s best (if possible) to ask for the correct pronunciation. People whose names are difficult to pronounce get that question all the time, and generally won’t mind telling you. 

Another important factor to consider is that words may be pronounced differently in different regions of the country.  The word “root,” for example, is often pronounced “rut” by some of our midwestern brethren.  Also, a word may have two distinct pronunciations and meanings: The words invalid, close, produce and desert are good examples: The invalid signed an invalid contract. She was too close to the door to close it. His farm could produce the most produce. He decided to desert his wife in the desert.  If mispronouncing words is a recurring (not reoccurring) problem for you, there are preventive (not preventative) measures you can take to avoid the embarrassment of committing these verbal fox paws:  

• Arm yourself with a pocket dictionary and/or thesaurus to which you can refer at a moments notice.
• Avoid using terms with which you are unfamiliar, unless you are certain they mean what you think they mean. It’s better to use a synonymous term, which you know is correct.
• Don’t rely on another person’s pronunciation of a term. Specifically, if you hear someone pronounce a word differently than the way you thought it was supposed to be pronounced, don’t assume they are correct. This is true even if it’s in their field of work or study.

  You may enhance your verbal communication skills and build your word power using any of the many resources available in printed or electronic format. A quick search at your local library, bookstore or the Internet, will yield more sources than you would imagine.

Tags: Speaking, communication // Add Comment »

 

 Letters and Technology Podcast: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Bridging the Communication Gap

Before there was texting or IM, there was e-mail. Before there were cell phones, there were telephones. And before any of these, we wrote letters as a means of communicating with friends and loved ones. Though letter-writing has gone by the wayside and is considered by many a lost art which has succumbed to the ease of use, convenience and instant gratification provided by technology, something important has been lost: heartfelt communication.

You may remember a time when you received a personal letter in the mailbox from a grandparent, pen pal or secret admirer. The excitement that went along with receiving that (usually) handwritten letter addressed to you, is unmatched by current modes of communication. As you eagerly tore open the envelope and read the words written for your eyes only, it made you feel special. It was special. The person, after all, had thought of you, selected special stationery, had taken time to think about and share their thoughts and feelings about life. They held the pen that touched the paper that you then held in your hand. The letter contained their unique handwriting. Beyond that, they had taken the time to seal it, place a stamp on the envelope and mail it to you.

Technology-based communication seemingly lacks the intimacy that is inherent in the handwritten letters which, in years past, were the vehicle for heartfelt communication. With the use of technology, the “communication” part is still there. It is the “heartfelt” part that is often missing. How heartfelt can a message from your BFF be when it makes you want to LOL?  

Given that technology is inevitable, how can we bridge the gap between impersonal electronic communication and meaningful written communication? Is it possible to capture the warmth and intimacy of a handwritten letter electronically? The answer is:  Not entirely, but we can come close. Technology need not impede our ability connect with loved ones. The principles for producing a heartfelt letter (whether electronic or handwritten) remain the same.

• When you sit down to write a letter or message, do it in a place where and at a time when you are inspired to write.
• Take time to focus on and think deeply about the person to whom you are writing.
• Think about the purpose of your letter and what you want to write.
• Jot down, in no particular order, a list of any thoughts or feelings you want to communicate.
• Write, edit and re-write you message until it’s just the way you want it.
• Oh yes, and don’t forget to hit “send.”

Whether written electronically and sent through cyberspace or written on a piece of paper and mailed, heartfelt letters are important for several reasons: they help us stay more deeply connected to those we care about; they help to strengthen or re-establish bonds; and allow us time to think about and reflect on life. All are good reasons to start writing those letters.

© 2008 Lilia Fallgatter

Tags: Change, Friendship, Relationships, Writing, Written Communication, communication, letters // Add Comment »

 

 Mother's Day: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

How can you best honor Mom this Mother’s Day? Write her a heartfelt handwritten thank you letter thanking her for all she has done for you.

Moms (and mother figures) play such a significant role in the people we ultimately become. Parenting, particularly a mother’s role, is a huge responsibility and one for which no amount of education or training can prepare a woman. It is a role which requires self-sacrifice, unconditional love and eternal patience.

A handwritten letter expressing your feelings and gratitude to mom is the perfect gift for many reasons. By writing, you avoid any awkwardness you might feel in trying to express your feelings to Mom verbally. Moreover, putting your feelings on paper in the form of a letter allows you to think about, write your message and edit it, so that you can be satisfied that you have conveyed your message in exactly the way you want to convey it. Finally, your kind and loving words to Mom will not only let her know how much she is loved and appreciated, but your letter will become a treasured keepsake she can re-read anytime she likes.

Although some may consider letter-writing a daunting task. Putting your feelings on paper need not be difficult. Follow the writing tips below, excerpted from “The Most Important Letter You Will Ever Write,” (Inspirit Books) to produce a gift sure to touch your mother’s heart in a way no other gift can.

Letter-Writing Tips

·       Before you even pick up a pen, create surroundings that will evoke the inspiration to write.

·       Make a deliberate effort to clear and quiet your mind, and focus on the person to whom you are writing.

·       Create a list of special qualities or characteristics you admire in your mother.

·       Crate a list of memorable occasions or events shared with your mother which bring back good memories of time spent together and which bring you joy. 

·       Using the lists you’ve created, write the first draft of the letter. Review and edit the first draft, then re-write the letter with the changes you made.

·       Use your favorite stationery and pen.

·       Enhance your letter by including a favorite poem, a beautiful prayer, song lyrics, personal mementos or keepsakes. Consider including an old photo, a ticket stub from a movie or play you saw together, or some other special memento. 

© 2008 Lilia L. Fallgatter

Tags: Love, Parenting, Relationships, Writing // Add Comment »

What do you love to do? You may know and you may be doing it already. What you love to do, of course, may not be limited to one thing. Thus, a better question is:  What do you love doing most? If you are not quite sure, there are many ways to discover it:

• Childhood dreams

As a young child, what did you enjoy doing most? What did you dream of growing up to become? Did you have a special talent and interest in something specific, such as animals, dancing, writing, singing, drawing or playing baseball? Those talents displayed and interests developed at a young age may be indicators of a hidden or long lost passion you should explore.

• Talents

Are there things at which you are inherently good at doing? What things were you good at doing as a child and continue to be good at as an adult? Have you developed special talents over time through either education or training and which you also enjoy doing? Being good at something does not mean you enjoy or are passionate about doing it. It is, however, a good place to start if you have not yet discovered your passion.

• Losing yourself

What do you get lost in doing? Think about things you may enjoy doing so much that you lose track of time while engaged in that activity. Being so focused and enjoying an activity so much that you lose track of time and things going on around you are indicators of being passionate about that activity.

• Pursuing your interests

Being passionate and being interested in something are two different things. Although passion is generally associated with romance, the term is used here to refer to an ardent enthusiasm about something. Thus, something that draws an intense positive emotional response is something about which you are passionate. An interest refers to something that may draw your attention, but about which you may not be passionate.

Although others may be able to help you discover or rediscover your passion, only you can know for certain the things about which you are passionate. Once you know what that is, you can move ahead with finding a way to live your passion every day.

©2008 Lilia L. Fallgatter

Tags: Attitude, Happiness, Life, Self Improvement, passion // Add Comment »

DO IT NOW

Don’t put off for another life what you could accomplish in this one. If you are waiting for happiness to somehow magically appear in your life, you have a long wait ahead of you. If you are relying on someone else to make you happy, you have misplaced your trust. The only person who can make you happy is you. And if you truly want it, you must seek it out with relentless fervor. If you believe it’s too late to be happy, know this: UNTIL YOU’RE DEAD, IT IS NEVER TOO LATE.

WHAT, EXACTLY, DO YOU WANT?

The answer to the question “what constitutes happiness?” is unique to every person. Most people know exactly and can describe in great detail what they don’t want based upon what they have previously or are currently experiencing in their lives. Most people can tell you in general terms what would make them happy (i.e. more money, a bigger home, a better job, more money), and therein lies the problem. If what we want can be described by us solely in terms that are vague and unclear, we will not get it. The key in getting what you want is precision. You must have a clear and exact vision of what it is you want. You must be able to touch, feel and see it in your own mind. In addition, you must be completely convinced that you will be successful in getting it.

IN SEARCH OF THE GOOD LIFE

Many people equate living the good life with living large: having a large home or a large bank account. In my book, living the good life means living well; enjoying your life. Being surrounded by the people and things you love and doing those things that make your heart sing. One of the best things you can do for yourself in this lifetime is to find out what you love to do and do it! Doing what you love means to live passionately. Each morning filled with the excitement and satisfaction of knowing your time will be spent doing what you love most, instead of dreading getting out of bed. Chances are you may not have yet found a way to do what you love on a full-time basis. It is also possible that you don’t know what it is you love to do.

More in the next post.

© Lilia Fallgatter

Tags: Change, Happiness, Life, The Secret, passion // Add Comment »

YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK
I once heard a speaker say “change your attitude, change your life.” I don’t remember where I was or who uttered those words, but they remained with me and have had a significant impact on how I live my life. I did not know exactly what it meant at the time, but have since come to learn the importance attitude plays in living happily. Changing my attitude has seen me though some of the most difficult times in my life.

To me, changing your attitude means changing your thoughts. The truth is that we often don’t realize the impact our thoughts have on how we live. What we say to ourselves affects the way we feel, our thoughts and perspective and is directly reflected in the way we live our lives. You’ve heard the expression “you are what you eat.” Well you are what you think too. Some food for thought (no pun intended). The life you lead today is a direct result of the thoughts and beliefs you have had in the past. What your life is in the future will be determined by your thoughts and beliefs of today.

TAKING CONTROL
At some point in our lives, we realize that (for the most part) we have absolutely no control over other people or events that may take place in our lives. This is especially true when we feel victimized, helpless, hopeless or out of control. What we may sometimes fail to remember is that we do have the sole power to control our own EMOTIONS. How we react to or whether the actions of others and events affect us is within our power.

Too often in our lives, we tend to shift blame or responsibility for our emotions to someone else. They made us feel angry or sad. The truth is that we create those emotions and the responsibility as to how we feel, what we think and how we react falls squarely on our shoulders. Failure to recognize this and to let other or events dictate how you feel, think or react is to completely relinquish control of your life to unknown factors. Therefore, one of the first steps toward living a happier life is to willingly accept that responsibility. The way to achieve this is to change your attitude by changing the way in which you evaluate the behavior of others and events that occur in your life. Taking control of your emotions and attitude means that you are in total control of your own world.

IS IT ME?
If the manner in which we evaluate people or things that happen around us causes us to be unhappy, then we have the power to change it. One way to do it is to recognize that everything is not about us. If a person makes a rude or hurtful comment, we may ask ourselves what we did to cause that person to react that way. When in fact, it may have nothing at all to do with us. In fact, another person’s behavior is usually all about them. My mother uses the expression (in Spanish) “cada cabeza es un mundo,” which loosely translates to “every mind is a world of its’ own.” To me, it means that every person has their own truth, their own reality, and thus, their own perspective. So if another person conducts himself in a manner that is offensive to you – don’t take it personally.

CHECK YOUR ATTITUDE
Is your attitude self-defeating? Because our attitudes (about anything) can change without our even being aware of it, we must routinely keep it in check. Although you may consider yourself to be a person with a positive attitude, it is important to consciously check your attitude regularly. Make a conscious effort to monitor what you are thinking and saying to yourself or to others. Though some people seem to take pleasure in complaining about things, constantly focusing on the negative aspects of anything accomplishes nothing and detracts from our ability to focus on what is good and how we can get it.

THE COMPANY YOU KEEP
If you’ve ever been around anyone who seems to constantly focus on the negative (and I’m sure you have been) you know it can be exhausting. Despite any efforts you may make to control your own emotions and attitudes, if you are surrounded by negative people they will have a negative impact on you. On the other hand, surrounding yourself with people to have a positive outlook on life is uplifting and can help you move forward. Even better is having at least one person in your life who is enthusiastic about life. Luckily, enthusiasm can be highly contagious.

Copyright, Lilia Fallgatter 2008

Tags: Attitude, Beliefs, Change, Happiness, Life, Relationships, Self Improvement // Add Comment »

It is important to realize that though most of us strive to be happy or happier, we don’t necessarily have a sense of what exactly that means to us. In addition, though we may want and seek happiness, there may be a part of us that believes that (for whatever reason) we do not deserve to be happy. And that is precisely the problem. What you believe about anything is exactly right! If somewhere, deep inside yourself, you believe that you can never be happy – you’re absolutely correct. Thus, no matter how diligent your efforts to find it, happiness will not be yours. This means that you must examine and perhaps change some of your core beliefs in order to have what has eluded you thus far.

Perhaps you have been waiting for permission to be happy or were never told that you deserve it. Although I believe that we all have specific lessons we must learn during our lifetime which will ultimately contribute to the growth of our souls, that does not mean that we are not intended or destined to lead happy and fulfilled lives. Indeed, I believe that we were put on this earth for that purpose. The only catch is that happiness is individual, and therefore, you must determine for yourself what constitutes happiness.

I believe that the reason people are unhappy is because they have not been true to themselves and are living lives that do not reflect who they really are. They’re doing things they are not passionate about. Many live their lives to meet expectations of others – parents, spouses or siblings.

I also believe that the primary reason a person’s life is what it today is because of their beliefs. What you believe about anything and everything has on impact on your perception of and reaction to every situation. So changing your life means changing what you believe. This can be challenging but not impossible to achieve.
Some people believe that they deserve what they get because they have made mistakes in the past. If you feel this way, it is high time you forgave yourself. Nobody judges us more harshly than we do ourselves. But focusing on the past prevents us from moving forward. We get trapped reliving the feelings of guilt instead of taking the intended lesson and moving on. So whatever your mistakes, forgive yourself and be thankful for the experience of learning something that may serve a positive purpose in the future.

Many believe that life is supposed to be hard. Society teaches us that anything worth having necessarily entails difficulty or hardship. This attitude is reflected in the phrase “ no pain, no gain.” The way I see it, pain does not equal gain. In fact, it may signal that you are going about it in the wrong way. Life does not have to be hard. Believing otherwise is self defeating and may also be self fulfilling.

Since our belief system is the foundation upon which we build our lives, if your life has not been what you hoped it would be, it’s time to challenge your beliefs. To do so, you must determine which beliefs you may have that may have kept you from getting where you want to go.

More on this in the next post.

Tags: Beliefs, General, Happiness, Life, Self Improvement, passion // Add Comment »

To worry is to experience concern or anxiety over something we anticipate will happen.  The trouble is that so much of the time we spend worrying is spent on things that never actually happen.  Since the dreaded outcome is not certain, we should try to refrain from worrying about it.  Demonstrative of this philosophy is the phrase “I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.”  This, however, is much easier said than done.

Because many of the things we worry about do not involve life or death situations (i.e. failing an exam), one way to address the issue is by answering the following questions: 

• What is the worst that can happen? 

• If the worst does happen, how will I deal with it; what are my options? 

The answers may not be perfect or to your complete satisfaction, but you are certain to feel better because you have a plan of action in the event the worst does happen.  You have faced the unknown and can stop worrying about it.

The key is to avoid being distracted by limiting thoughts, emotions, negative attitude and/or worry.  The idea is to let happiness and peace of mind become a daily ritual.  A happy and peaceful mind can focus on those things that are really important.

Tags: General, Stress // Add Comment »